Sunday, March 28, 2010

Saran Wrap®

I get a physical every year with my primary care physician, usually in March. Last year he discovered a problem with my right ear. What follows is an accounting of this unusual ear trouble that began in March, 2009. Since I am seeing the doctor this week for my 2010 physical I expect he’ll want to make sure my ear is okay.

I’ve had the same primary care physician for 35 years and he’s a pretty low key guy. So at last year’s visit he checked my heart, lungs, pressed on my abdomen, shined his light thing in my throat, eyes, nose and my left ear, then my right ear, then my left ear, then for a few more minutes in my right ear, then again in my right ear, and again in my right ear. Then he got a new light thing with a longer pointed thing on the end and went back for yet another and deeper look in my right ear. I was concerned because I’d had some ear trouble a couple of months earlier and saw the ear doctor who gave me some medicine and ear drops, but that problem was all cleared up. So I wondered what was up with the light thing dallying so long and frequently in my right ear.

Doctor B scratched his head, took yet another look and said, “It looks like you have some Saran Wrap® on your ear drum.” I took a deep breath and as calmly as possible, without telling the doctor that I thought he said I had Saran Wrap® in my ear asked, “What is the problem? I didn’t hear what you said.” Now Dr. B began to speak quite a bit louder to me, probably because he thought I couldn’t hear him due to the Saran Wrap® in my ear. He told me again, “It looks like you have some Saran Wrap® on your ear drum and I can’t get it off because it’s in there too deep.”

I was rendered speechless because how could I explain this? I can assure you I don’t carry a supply of Saran Wrap® in my ear for some emergency requiring me to fish the Saran Wrap® out of my ear and wrap something up. Also, contrary to our daughter Kathy’s fears, Scott and I don’t do anything kinky where one or both of us is wrapped up in Saran Wrap®.

He asked if maybe the ear drop bottle I’d used months ago had a cellophane cover over the cap that the dropper tip had pushed past forcing the Saran Wrap® down to my ear drum. I told him I didn’t think that was the cause but I also couldn’t come up with any other explanation. I didn’t have an earache at the time or any other Saran Wrap® symptoms and asked if it would just work its way out. The doctor said confidently and loudly, “Maybe!”

So with this diagnosis I began to notice a crinkling sound in my ear and swear I came down with an earache. If it didn’t clear up I’d go see the ear, nose and throat specialist.

Just in case, though, I asked everyone to speak to me a bit louder to get past any Saran Wrap®.

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