Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Oh My, Mom! What Big Boobs You Have!

My mom has had something similar to the intestinal flu every week for three weeks. I think it’s a continuation of her original symptoms and problem. It was a belly ache that started this latest decline. At first, the doctor suspected gall stones, but he backed off of that and told me it was almost as if her stomach had a heart attack. In the late eighties she had lymphoma which was diagnosed when she discovered a lump the size of a candy bar in her groin. She underwent surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. Something questionable was found in the same area at a routine visit a year later but she never followed up on it as she was supposed to. In her mind once it was gone, it was gone. Now, I wonder about it.

Her breathing is progressively more labored. These physical problems take a toll and add to her forgetfulness and confusion but she still has some days when things seem pretty clear, usually about things that happened before her illness. Recent events are more often gone.

There was a problem the other day when all her bras and underpants were stolen from her apartment. Her underpants have turned up. Or, more likely, she remembered where they were. But the bras are definitely gone. In their place are some other bras. The replacement bras are definitely not hers. These bras are very large and belong to someone with considerably larger boobs than my mom has. Her bras are little bras. Someone is trying to squeeze their big boobs into a bra meant for someone who is not well endowed. She said that at least someone stole the smallest thing in her apartment. She’s trying to wear the large bras but it’s not working out too well. She has on a big bra but still has the little boobs. We don't know where the big bras came from, whose they are, or where her bras are. The replacements are a hopeful size but not even remotely realistic for my mom. We can’t figure this situation out because I bring her laundry home and I know that if, by mistake, I took my bras to her they would have fit her ok. Big boobs don’t run in the family.

Scott continues to enjoy and adjust to his retirement and he’s keeping quite busy. We finally had to have the plumber come because the handle on the toilet broke and 3 new handles failed to solve the problem. Two new flappers on a chain didn't work, and then the floaty ball thing on a stick broke. Six calls to the plumber failed to guide Scott to a solution. He admitted there was only a 1 percent chance he'd be able to fix the toilet and he was right. The next morning the plumber verified that Scott's calls to him for help were not a joke and he came and fixed the toilet for $102. The plumber arrived just as the cable guy was leaving.

He was there to hook up the TV cable box for the new TV. He informed Scott there was no problem with the cable box, the cable wires or anything else cable related and that the problem was with the new TV. The cable guy suggested that Scott take the TV back to the store since it was still under the 30 day warranty and exchange it for a new, more cable compatible TV. Now, I don’t know what you might be thinking about this but I’m wondering if Scott is pulling my leg, getting his pulled, or if the cable people, having identified us somehow in their system as people likely to go along with their suggestions no matter how ridiculous, sent an as yet untrained beginner trainee to our house. Following cable guy’s advice, Scott returned the new TV for the second time and, believe it or not, he UPGRADED the TV.

Let’s review: we had an old TV that we replaced with new TV number 1. New TV 1 was replaced with new TV number 2 because it didn’t fit in the new entertainment center. New TV 2 was replaced with new TV number 3 because of the cable guy’s suggestion and inability to fix any cable problems. New TV 3 cost a mere $200 and change additional to upgrade but what other choice was there, Scott asked?

The next day started off pretty well until his glasses fell and broke. He went over to Lenscrafters ™ to get some new specs and, since he was there, thought some new sunglasses, TV only glasses, reading only glasses and the “I can see in general” glasses that needed replaced and which were the reason for his visit in the first place, were in order. It all cost $699 but he sees great and loves the way new upgraded TV 3 looks.

Today was spent cleaning his sock drawer and watching new TV 3. He sees it so well! He loves retirement.

Oh yeah, he's taking his T-shirts to the tailor later this afternoon to get the long sleeves altered to short sleeve versions. Yes, that's right. His T-shirts are at the tailors.

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